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World Community Grid Forums
Category: Community
Forum: Chat Room
Thread: The Jokes Thread |
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Thread Status: Active Total posts in this thread: 1237
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cjslman
Master Cruncher Mexico Joined: Nov 23, 2004 Post Count: 2082 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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... when push comes to shove... hahahaha
---------------------------------------- . I liked it, keep'm coming !!!CJSL Crunching for a better world... |
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littlepeaks
Veteran Cruncher USA Joined: Apr 28, 2007 Post Count: 748 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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Judge Asks Woman Why She Wants A Divorce.
A judge was interviewing a woman regarding her pending divorce, and asked, “What are the grounds for your divorce?” She replied, “About four acres and a nice little home in the middle of the property with a stream running by.” “No,” he said, “I mean what is the foundation of this case? “It is made of concrete, brick and mortar,” she responded. “I mean,” he continued, “What are your relations like?” “I have an aunt and uncle living here in town, and so do my husband’s parents.” The judge said, “Do you have a real grudge?” “No,” she replied, “We have a two-car carport and have never really needed one.” “Please,” he tried again, “is there any infidelity in your marriage?” “Yes, both my son and daughter have stereo sets. We don’t necessarily like the music, but the answer to your questions is yes.” “Ma’am, does your husband ever beat you up?” “Yes,” she responded, “about twice a week he gets up earlier than I do.” Finally, in frustration, the judge asked, “Lady, why do you want a divorce?” “Oh, I don’t want a divorce,” she replied. “I’ve never wanted a divorce. My husband does. He said he can’t communicate with me.” |
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littlepeaks
Veteran Cruncher USA Joined: Apr 28, 2007 Post Count: 748 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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What is Celibacy?
Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances. While attending a Marriage Weekend, Frank and his wife Ann listened to the instructor declare, “It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other.” He then addressed the men. “Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?” Frank leaned over, touched Ann’s arm gently, and whispered, “Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?” And thus began Frank's life of celibacy. |
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retsof
Former Community Advisor USA Joined: Jul 31, 2005 Post Count: 6824 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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My challenge: Post a longer shaggy dog story than this Won't even try! and only two words punned .... That was pretty weak.
SUPPORT ADVISOR
Work+GPU i7 8700 12threads School i7 4770 8threads Default+GPU Ryzen 7 3700X 16threads Ryzen 7 3800X 16 threads Ryzen 9 3900X 24threads Home i7 3540M 4threads50% |
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OldChap
Veteran Cruncher UK Joined: Jun 5, 2009 Post Count: 978 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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That is kind of the whole idea....
----------------------------------------Think then of the poor British who, having read through such a tome ,realise that due to the vagaries of our language, even those two words only work with an American pronunciation  [Edit 1 times, last edit by OldChap at Oct 15, 2015 9:44:22 PM] |
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NAP2614
Master Cruncher Joined: Mar 27, 2007 Post Count: 2546 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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Dale King
----------------------------------------October 20 at 2:50pm · Enid, OK · Got my gun permit yesterday, then went over to the local gun shop to get a small 9mm for home protection. When I was ready to pay by credit card for the gun and bullets, the cashier said, "Strip down, facing me." Making a mental note to complain to the NRA about the gun control wackos running amok, I did as she had instructed. When the hysterical shrieking and alarms subsided, I found out she was referring to how I should place my credit card in the card reader. I've been asked to shop elsewhere in the future. They need to make their instructions to seniors a little clearer.  |
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littlepeaks
Veteran Cruncher USA Joined: Apr 28, 2007 Post Count: 748 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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Bob forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was mad.
She told him, "Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds, AND IT BETTER BE THERE!!!" The next morning, when his wife woke up, she looked out the window to find a box ... gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Bob has been missing since Friday. |
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bjbdbest
Master Cruncher Joined: May 11, 2007 Post Count: 2333 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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littlepeaks
Veteran Cruncher USA Joined: Apr 28, 2007 Post Count: 748 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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A dinner speaker was in such a hurry to get to his engagement that when he arrived and sat down at the head table,
he suddenly realized that he had forgotten his false teeth. Turning to the man next to him he said, "I forgot my teeth." The man said, "No problem." He reached into his pocket and pulled out a pair of false teeth. "Try these," he said. The speaker tried them. "Too loose," he said. The man then said, "I have another pair - try these." The speaker tried them and responded, "Too tight." The man was not taken back at all. He then said, "I have one more pair. Try them." The speaker said, "They fit perfectly." With that he ate his meal and gave his speech. After the dinner meeting was over, the speaker went over to thank the man who had helped him. "I want to thank you for coming to my aid. Where is your office? I've been looking for a good dentist." The man replied, "I'm not a dentist. I'm an undertaker." |
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littlepeaks
Veteran Cruncher USA Joined: Apr 28, 2007 Post Count: 748 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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Did you hear about the dyslexic devil worshiper?
----------------------------------------He sold his soul to Santa. =============================== Note: Copied this from another forum. A lot of the jokes I post are sent to me from my "friends" I've been scraping the bottom of the barrel, because if I posted most of the other jokes I've received, Erika the Censor , would ban me from WCG for life.  [Edit 2 times, last edit by littlepeaks at May 3, 2016 5:03:40 PM] |
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