There was a little girl
And she had a little curl
Right in the middle of her forehead.
When she was cool she was very, very cool;
But when she was hot she was torrid.

After the ball was over Jenny took out her glass eye.
Stood her false leg in the corner, corked up her bottle of dye.
Put her false teeth in the tumbler; hung her false hair on the wall.
And all the rest went to bye-byes, after the ball.

Now gather round you sailor boys, and listen to my plea
And when you've heard my tale you'll pity me
For I was a real darn fool in the port of Liverpool
The first time that I came home from the sea

I was paid off at the Home, from a voyage to Sierra Leone
Two pounds ten and sixpence was my pay
When I drew the tin I grinned, but I very soon got skinned
By a girl by the name of Maggie May

Oh, Maggie, Maggie May, they've taken you away
They've sent you to Van Diemen's cruel shore
For you robbed so many a sailor, and skinned so many a whaler
And you'll never shine in Paradise Street no more

I shan't forget the day when I first met Maggie May
She was cruising up and down on Canning Place
With a figure so divine, like a frigate of the line
So, being a sailor, I gave chase

Oh, Maggie, Maggie May, they've taken you away
They've sent you to Van Diemen's cruel shore
For you robbed so many a sailor, and skinned so many a whaler
And you'll never shine in Paradise Street no more

Next day I woke in bed, with a sore and aching head
No shoes, or shirt, or trousers could I find
I asked her where they were, and she answered, "My dear sir,
They're down in Kelly's knock-shop, number nine"

Oh, Maggie, Maggie May, they've taken you away
They've sent you to Van Diemen's cruel shore
For you robbed so many a sailor, and skinned so many a whaler
And you'll never shine in Paradise Street no more

Oh, you thieving Maggie May, you robbed me of my pay
When I slept with you last night ashore
And the judge he guilty found her of robbing a homeward-bounder
And she'll never roam down Paradise Street no more

Oh, Maggie, Maggie May, they've taken you away
They've sent you to Van Diemen's cruel shore
For you robbed so many a sailor, and skinned so many a whaler
And you'll never shine in Paradise Street no more

edited for language...cih

Ta,ta, soldier, have you any guns?
Yes, I have told ya, lots, maybe tons.
Some go by ship and some go by train
But none with the little boy who flies in the plane.

Here's another twisted version of rhymes some of you might have heard in the nursery. The whole series of parodies were sung at school camo by one of our biology masters.

Maxwelton's braes are bonny, where stands the Grand Hote-el
And 'twas there I'd an egg for my breakfast and I knew as I opened the shell

That it was an egg of the old brigade
Though it had changed and altered
There it stood quite undismayed
As in accents low it faltered,

"I'm humming, I'm humming, I'm not new laid I know"
So turning to the gasping waiter I yelled, "Joe!"

I don't believe this egg has been laid for months and months and months
Its birth certificate's been mislaid for months and months and months
I think perhaps it has been laid by some ex-stinked dodo
Ten, twenty, thirty, forty, fifty years ago.

Then a little chicken popped and said, "Parley vous"
And in my best French I replied, "The same to you,"
"My mother," it said, "was over there
With Mademoiselle from Armentieres
- inky pink parlez vous."

So we chucked it through the window
We chucked it through the window
We chucked it through the window. . .

And there it lay
'Til next day
And when the dustman came to clear the bins away. . .

Egg shells he saw - egg shells he saw.

He wrapped it up in his tarpaulin jacket
And thought for his tea it would do, would do-oo
He ate it and early next morning
His widow his club money drew.

So rule Britannia, no matter what you've paid
Eggs are never never never quite new laid.