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Category: Community
Forum: Chat Room
Thread: The Jokes Thread |
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Thread Status: Active Total posts in this thread: 1237
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adriverhoef
Master Cruncher The Netherlands Joined: Apr 3, 2009 Post Count: 2166 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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To comprehend this joke you'll have to understand that the Dutch word 'beiden' is pronounced almost the same as when you would say Joe Biden's last name AND that the clue of the joke is in the meaning of the Dutch word 'beiden'. (If you know German a bit, you're also on the right track. In fact, the German word 'beiden' resembles the pronunciation of Joe Biden's last name even more.)
Two Dutchmen meet in a bar and soon enough they talk about the current American presidential election, in Dutch. For joke's sake I'll translate their conversation, although I will be leaving the Dutch word 'beiden' alone. "Say, do they already know who has won the 2020 election?" says one. "It looks like Biden did." says the other. — Now you must also know that the questioner doesn't have much clue, he doesn't even remember the names of the candidates, that is, he knows the name of the current president, but that's it. — So, the other one repeats his answer: "Biden." Baffled by that answer the first one replies: "Really, 'beiden'?", a bit upset, and continues: "How's that possible? Surely only one of them can win, not 'beiden'!" (CLUE: The meaning of the Dutch/German word 'beiden' in English is: both.) |
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Former Member
Cruncher Joined: May 22, 2018 Post Count: 0 Status: Offline |
Lost in translation (which is a funny movie too).
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Sgt.Joe
Ace Cruncher USA Joined: Jul 4, 2006 Post Count: 7668 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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Adri:
----------------------------------------I love that joke. (Ik hou van die grap). Cheers
Sgt. Joe
*Minnesota Crunchers* |
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adriverhoef
Master Cruncher The Netherlands Joined: Apr 3, 2009 Post Count: 2166 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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Thanks, Sgt. Joe.
Now, we go to the annual fair, for we want to get lost in translation again. And there we see a Belgian farmer with a pig. A Dutchman approaches the farmer and asks if he is selling the pig and what price he has in mind. The farmer says: "That's a French pig, sir, it has a special price because it can do math." The Dutchman is highly interested and wants a demonstration. "So, let me show you," says the Belgian famer, "say piggy, we'll do some math, Tell me, how much is five plus four?" As he grabs his kane, he taps the pig casually on its back and before you know it the pig grunts: "NEUF!"  A bit surprised the Dutchman cries out: "Uhm... 'Naf'?" The Belgian farmer explains: "You know, it's a French pig, so it answers in French." "Oh, I see... 'Neuf'! That's indeed French for nine... But that's marvellous!" the Dutchman realizes. "It answers neuf, 'cause it's a French pig and neuf is French for nine, and that's correct, because five plus four is nine", says the Dutchman. "Yes," confirms the Belgian farmer, "let me show you another calculation", and as he turns to the pig, he asks "Say piggy, how much is three times three?" Again, the pig is tapped by the farmer's kane and a little annoyed it grunts "NEUF!" in return. The Dutchman is getting excited with this result and asks the Belgian farmer: "So I've heard the pig only answer 'neuf' so far, but can it also answer something other than 'neuf'? "Of course," the Belgian farmer replies, "let's think of another computation... Uhmmm, piggy? Piggy, hear this. What's two times two times two?" "Ooh," the Dutchman says, "that ain't easy!" "Yes," the farmer admits, "a rather difficult sum", and as he turns to the pig again, "Come on, piggy, how much is two times two times two?" and as he picks his kane, he sticks it into the pig's backend. The poor pig starts and screams "HUIT! HUIT! HUIT! "(*)"I'm impressed, what's your price for the pig?" the Dutchman cries out enthusiastically. |
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sptrog1
Master Cruncher Joined: Dec 12, 2017 Post Count: 1574 Status: Offline Project Badges: 
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Don't Argue With Children-
A little girl was talking to her teacher about whales. The teacher said it was physically impossible for a whale to swallow a human because, even though it was an exceptionally large mammal, its throat was surprisingly small. The little girl insisted that Jonah was swallowed by a whale. Irritated, the teacher reiterated that a whale could not swallow a human: it was physically impossible. The little girl said, “When I get to heaven, I will ask Jonah". The teacher asked, "What if Jonah is in Hell? The little girl replied, "Then you can ask him". |
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adriverhoef
Master Cruncher The Netherlands Joined: Apr 3, 2009 Post Count: 2166 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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A man is standing at the bar and orders four beers, three whiskeys and two vodkas. "Would you like a tray with that?" asks the bartender. "No, that's too much," answers the guy, "I already have so much to carry."
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sptrog1
Master Cruncher Joined: Dec 12, 2017 Post Count: 1574 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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This one from the past threads is my current favorite.
Why parents drink The boss of a big company needed to call one of his employees about an urgent problem with one of the main computers, dialed the employee's home phone number and was greeted with a child's whisper. "Hello." "Is your daddy home? " he asked. "Yes, " whispered the small voice. "May I talk with him? " The child whispered, "No. " Surprised, and wanting to talk with an adult, the boss asked, "Is your Mummy there? " "Yes. " whispered the small voice. "May I talk with her? " Again the small voice whispered, "No. " Hoping there was somebody with whom he could leave a message, the boss asked, "Is anybody else there? " "Yes, " whispered the child, "a policeman. " Wondering what a cop would be doing at his employee's home, the boss asked, "May I speak with the policeman? " "No, he's busy ", whispered the child. "Busy doing what? " "Talking to Daddy and Mummy and the fireman, " came the whispered answer. Growing concerned and even worried as he heard what sounded like a helicopter through the earpiece on the phone the boss asked, "What is that noise? " "A hello-copper " answered the whispering voice. "What is going on there? " asked the boss, now truly alarmed. In an awed whispering voice the child answered, "The search team just landed the hello-copper ." Alarmed, concerned, and even more than just a little frustrated the boss asked, "What are they searching for? " Still whispering, the young voice replied along with a muffled giggle, "me ". |
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adriverhoef
Master Cruncher The Netherlands Joined: Apr 3, 2009 Post Count: 2166 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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An exercise for people who are out of shape: Begin with a five-pound
potato bag in each hand. Extend your arms straight out from your sides, hold them there for a full minute, and then relax. After a few weeks, move up to ten-pound potato bags. Then try 50-pound potato bags, and eventually try to get to where you can lift a 100-pound potato bag in each hand and hold your arms straight for more than a full minute. Once you feel confident at that level, put a potato in each bag. |
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adriverhoef
Master Cruncher The Netherlands Joined: Apr 3, 2009 Post Count: 2166 Status: Offline Project Badges:
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A little boy hasn't spoken one word since birth. The parents are desperate and consult all sorts of experts - in vain. After six years the boy says: "The soup is too salty!" The parents are beside themselves: "Son, you can talk! Why haven't you said anything until now?" His reply: "So far everything was fine."
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