Ever since I got a wheelchair my wife has been so rude to me.
She's been pushing me around and talking behind my back.

This is a bit of an old nugget, but I still think it is a bit funny.

The Pope had just finished his tour, he visited some the religious communities. A limousine came to take him back to the airport. Having never driven a limousine, the Pope asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while. So, as the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, he agreed to change places and sat on the backseat. The Pope took the wheel. He started accelerating to see what the limo could do. And then, suddenly out of nowhere, a police car appeared. He pulled over and the cop came to his window.
'Just a moment please, wait here, I need to call in,' said the cop and walked a few meters away.
'Chief, We have a really important person pulled over. Please give me instructions what to do.'
The chief asked, 'Who is it, not Jack again?'
The cop said, 'No, he is even more important.'
The chief asked, 'It is the prime minister, isn't it?'
The cop replied, 'No, even more important.'
'The President himself?'
'No, more important,' replied the cop.
'Tell me now, who the hell is it?!'
'I don't exactly know,' answered the cop, 'but the Pope is his chauffeur!'

Fun fact: Before the crowbar was invented, crows just simply drank at home.


I saw a microbiologist today. He was much bigger than I expected.

Have you heard of the blind Cyclops Brothers?
No?
Neither have eye.


This morning I saw this lady talking to her dog. Of course, the poor woman thought that the dog understood her. Later that day I got home and told my cat. We laughed about it.

To Adri - a real stalwart on this thread:
"I ordered a chicken and an egg online. I’ll let you know whicn comes first."